I sat down to go through my tested recipes yesterday and came to the realization that I am running extremely low. In the three years I've had this blog, I've actually never run out of tested recipes to share which is something I'm extremely proud of. I was pretty taken aback at what little stock I had left and it kind of forced me to realize that I am struggling to juggle everything in my life right now. I'm kind of caught between a rock and hard place.
I'm working a lot, like, almost too much, with the intention of saving vast amounts of money for my trip back to Ireland in September. I'm on track to have significantly more money this time around which is definitely a good thing. With this of course, comes a lack of time for just about everything else. I'm struggling to find time to schedule hangouts with my friends. I'm struggling to find time to test recipes for my blog. I'm basically working everyday and that's about it. Obviously, I need to work as much as possible so that I can pay off my credit, my student loan, and save prior to leaving, but it appears to be coming at a cost.
I'm often going in early or picking up extra shifts, eating away at the time I have to do things for my blog or in my personal life. It's hard for me to refuse helping out when I know that situations are grim at work, so I'm always saying yes. Without realizing it, my intentions of helping at work and saving money are actually hurting me more than helping. I'm legitimately working every single day, sometimes for over 10 hours a day, leaving me with literally no time for anything else. What am I to do??
Do you guys struggle with balancing out your time? I would imagine I'm not the only one with this problem, but fixing it is a lot more difficult than I anticipated. How do I keep saving, cut my hours, find time to test recipes, maintain relationships, and find me time to boot? Ugh, being an adult is quite a struggle sometimes isn't it?
Guys, all I can think about is flying back to Ireland and picking up where I left off. There's this burning inside of me that's pushing me to leave as quickly as possible considering I'm just about saved up to where I need to be to comfortably try this again. Knowing I have the funds is making it harder to continue to go to work everyday because I just feel like I shouldn't be here right now. I have major FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) happening right now.
Don't get me wrong, I am still enjoying my jobs for the most part. There have been some hiccups obviously that have made me feel like it was time for me to leave, but knowing I'll be leaving in September is what pushes me through those difficult situations. I think it boils down to my desire to grow on a personal level. My creativity is stifled at this point because I've pretty much done everything I'm going to do with the jobs I currently have you know? It makes my desire to leave even bigger because I know there's a year of creativity, growing, and new experiences right around the corner.
I also can't help but think that this trip will help me figure out my game plan when I get back. I certainly won't be going back to my current jobs as I feel I've run my course, so where does this leave me? I have so many ideas for my own business and so many different things going through my mind that a year of personal growth should be just what I need to refocus and start a game plan.
I love the idea of having my own vegetarian restaurant! I also love the idea of doing some volunteering at animal sanctuaries with the intention of opening my own in the future. I ALSO love the idea of travelling more, maybe through travel writing. There's so many things I could see myself doing that it makes it difficult to focus on a direction. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm in my thirties and time is of the essence. Not to say I'm at death's door or anything, but there's no better time than the present to act on your dreams right?
Anyways, I'll continue to do what I'm doing for the time being. I'm watching flights to Ireland right now and waiting for the right price to book and start to feel excited again. I feel so ready to embark this time around! Unlike last time, I have no fears when it comes to flying out because I know what's waiting for me at the other end of the flight. New opportunity!
I know I've probably said this a billion times before, but I'm often caught off guard by how quickly time seems to pass as I get older. At least once or twice a week, I catch myself thinking / discussing time. Not just it passing, but how quickly time seems to pass when you consider life events.
My dad went back to work this past week after being off for two years on injury and I caught myself thinking, that went by incredibly quickly. I remember him going in for his first surgery, second, and healing, like it was all within the past week. I look at my mother's passing which was now almost 3 years ago, and I can so vividly remember everything I thought throughout the entire process. I still find myself reminiscing like it was yesterday, memories so fresh despite time eluding me. It amazes and scares me all at the same time.
Lately, I've been trying to figure out what I want out of life with a little more intention. I have always had so many ideas that took me in every which direction, but I've never concretely decided on a path in life. When I think about time, I think about my life, and can't help but feel pressure to figure things out. I am leaving for Ireland again in September, which is only 7 months away. This will buy me another year of trying to figure things out and hopefully get me focused on my future. I can't help but think that I've let a lot of valuable time pass me by and with my anxiety over time passing and getting older, I find myself overwhelmed lately.
I just turned 32, but remember turning 18 like it was yesterday. Am I the only one who has this anxiety about time passing so quickly? Is it my own feelings of guilt or embarrassment over not being more successful at this point, manifesting themselves as anxiety over time? Could it be something else? Kind of makes me feel a little crazy!
With that being said, I'm desperately looking forward to going back to Ireland. I'm really banking on it inspiring me and giving me exactly what I need to motivate myself. I won't have to wait long, 7 months should pass in 5 seconds if this trend continues.
The perils of anxiety lol
Every good thing eventually comes to an end and unfortunately, I'm seeing the end of what was once a magical working experience for me. I've put almost two years into my job and lately, I've been on the receiving end of some treatment I'm not fond of. Without going into too much detail, I've been labelled difficult and negative which for me, is like the biggest insult of all. I pride myself on being positive and making people around me laugh and smile so to hear things like that, it just infuriates me to my core.
With that being said, my intentions are to go back to Ireland in September. I've left a job before without another to replace it knowing I would find something else, but the pressure of going to Ireland is keeping me grounded. My parents always taught me to stand up for myself and never to take BS from anyone and regularly, I would leave with my head held high, but the circumstances are a little different. I have decided to smile through the pain until I can find something suitable to replace this job.
It's hard for me to accept people's opinions if they are different than what I see happening, and trying to accept a situation for what it is is not easy for me. It takes a lot for me to get to this point because I really do try not to take things so personally, but when they become so evidently personal, it makes the situation much more tricky.
I WILL be going back to Ireland by hook or crook. I can take anything anyone can throw at me knowing I'm working towards my goals and a little negative energy thrown at me by superiors isn't going to stop me. However, y'all should expect to hear some news about a new job in my future. Until then, I will continue to be the upbeat, positive, and easy going employee I KNOW that I am. Screw their opinions :)
All I can think about is going back to Ireland. I watch their weather every day to see exactly what I'm missing. I look at all of the pictures I took repeatedly, wishing I was still there experiencing new things. I continuously google attractions that I intend on seeing when I get back making a mental list of all of the things I have to see. It's been a lot harder being home than I had imagined I must admit.
I've been working pretty much every day trying to save money because I know that I will be going back. Every shift, every paycheck, and every dollar made, gets me one step closer to Ireland. Coming home, I was prepared for getting back into a routine but I was not prepared for how desperately I'd want to be back in Ireland. I feel like there's so much that I'm missing out on. Every minute I'm here is a minute that I'm missing out on something in Dublin.
With that being said, we're already in the second week of January. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that I've already been home 3 months! This is actually a good thing because it means that the time will likely pass quickly up until I fly out.
As of now, my intentions are to finish at my jobs the first week of September and fly out the third week. This will give me enough time to get an appointment with the Garda and get my GNIB card issued for another year. I'm also looking forward to my sister coming up with me. She's never flown or really travelled before so I know she will have the experience of a lifetime.
There's so many reasons I can't wait to head back to Ireland. I think most of all, this feeling of unfinished business that needs to be resolved. As I said, every minute feels like a minute that I'm missing out on something extraordinary and I can't wait to discover all of the things I didn't get to discover the first time around!
Christmas really snuck up on me this year with everything I've gone through in the past few months. Coming home from Ireland at the end of October really didn't leave me much time to get myself together in time for Christmas. Luckily I was able to get back to work with enough time to catch up on bills and get my nephews a little something which is what matters to me. I find that I'm always stressing every year trying to get thousands of gifts for everyone in my family so taking it easy this year was a bit of a treat I must say.
Christmas is an interesting time of year now that my mother is no longer with us. This will be the third Christmas without her and it's definitely not gotten any less strange. I miss the smell of her Christmas baking. I miss the stress of trying to get the house decorated and in order prior to my auntie coming to spend the night. I miss everything normal about this holiday that has now left me with a feeling of being lost.
My auntie passed away earlier this month and it was another reason for Christmas to be strange. My auntie spent 20 years plus at our house for Christmas, and even though she hasn't been here in a few years, knowing she's gone now is another reason for things to be strange. It's definitely hard to adjust when so many things that were part of your Christmas traditions have gone away. We haven't decorated in years, no baking, no normalcy.
Part of life is loss unfortunately and there's no hiding from it. Does it ever get easier? Do things ever start to feel normal again? Every time I think I've moved on from tragedy, something else happens that sets things back, it's frustrating and debilitating to say the least.
With all of that being said, I was ready to decorate this year. I was ready to at least try and put the spirit back into Christmas but my aunt passing kind of took that out of me. She was such a special lady, she really made our Christmas' so special. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in the world.
So now I sit here on Christmas eve, reflecting on the many years of Christmas memories I have to cherish and wondering when things feel ok again. I will continue to look around my house missing the decorations, the smell of my mother's baking, and my auntie. Hug your family, tell them you love them as often as possible, hold on to all of the memories you have because one day you will be in my seat, wondering when things return to normal.
I have officially gone back to my second job at Tim Hortons and should be starting back in a few weeks. Although there were plenty of reasons to look for something different with the most obvious reason being the distance from my house, there were more reasons why I should go back. My boss there is fully aware of my current schedule and working around it which I know can be a hinderance with finding a new job. I used to do hiring and I know that working around other schedules is not always a good selling point. I also love most of the people there and found myself having fun most of the time at work which really is important to me.
One very big reason I chose to go back was interviewing for a new job. I'm not good at lying to be honest and I feared questions like, "Do you see yourself growing within the company?" or "Why did you choose this job?" and frankly, I couldn't bring myself to fabricate an answer knowing I was planning on leaving for Ireland again in the fall. I was honest with my bosses from the start when I knew I was leaving and I couldn't bear to sit through an interview knowing I had no intention of staying permanently.
I definitely have my eyes on the prize here. I know this year will be rough working day and night trying to save triple the amount of money I brought with me the first time around. It's going to require diligence and restraint when it comes to shopping. I am determined to pay off my student debt, credit card, and save enough money to go back and feel comfortable. All I can think about is all of the things I'm missing out on seeing as I sit here back in Windsor and it really irks me. I was finally getting into my groove there and had to abruptly leave so I definitely feel like I have lots of unfinished business.
It's going to be a rough year but one that will be well worth it in the end!
I can't help but notice how quickly time goes by. It's like everytime I blink, months have passed and I am kind of at a stand still once again. It's also weird considering I was in another country a month ago. Time has always been an interesting thing to me, how it can seemingly fly by when you're not paying attention but stand still when you are. We're heading towards Christmas and I must admit, it's the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.
All I can think about is going back to Dublin. I know it was for the best coming home but I just can't wait to go back. I know it will be different this time around as I'll be better prepared so I think this year is going to seemingly take forever until it's time to fly out again. I miss the streets of Dublin, the people, and the lattes!
For now, I'm working at Healthy Mama's and debating going back to Tim Hortons or trying to find another second job. I'll need two jobs if I intend on going back to Dublin next year with enough money and all my bills paid. I loved the people at Tim's it was just kind of far away. I'll have to put some thought into this and figure out what my best options are!
For now I'll just accept my current situation and dream of returning to Dublin <3
I spent the first week being home doing whatever my heart desired and it was fabulous! Mind you, I was sick the entire time but it was absolutely wonderful to be free from responsibility or obligations.I spent the entire week visiting with a few friends, testing new recipes, and relaxing. After my rather stressful week prior, it was a much needed change.
I returned to my job at Healthy Mama's yesterday and had my first shift back. It was bittersweet returning to work, I loved seeing everyone again but also felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. So weird to think that just two weeks ago, I thought I was in Dublin for another 2 years! Needless to say, that thought has been looming over me and kind of ruining my return to normalcy. With that being said, it was truly great to reconnect with the some of the girls.
I am also waiting on instructions to start writing a newsletter and recipes column for the Vegetarian Society of Ireland. I expect her to email me in the next few days so I'm looking forward to starting that. I love the idea of being able to help them get things off the ground again and I couldn't be more excited to get down to business. Not to mention, this will also help me better my writing and learn more about the world of animals through studying. The more I learn about the atrocities happening to animals around the world, the more eager I am to lend my voice / support to various causes.
It's been a reflective and peaceful week but it's definitely time to start getting back into things. I want to be back in Dublin for Sept / Oct of next year to enjoy a full year there so I need to get my butt started on saving. I'll need significantly more than last time so it's up to me to get that ball rolling.
Catch up with you all again soon!
I have officially landed back in Canada after a very long and arduous trip back Thursday. I was unable to find a direct flight so I had to fly from Dublin to Montreal and then to Toronto afterwards. We boarded 15 minutes late, flew out over an hour late, and spent 40 minutes dilly dallying in Montreal before we flew home. I can't tell you how ready I was to get the hell off of that plane by the time we landed. Not to mention, I got off the plan an hour late and had no way to communicate with my dad to coordinate our meeting. In the only stroke of good luck I could've asked for, my dad was coincidentally late and we both met up at the exact moment we should have. I was so ready to get the hell home at this point.
My last few days in Ireland were incredibly stressful after I realized the Canadian dollar had dropped so low against the Euro. Ultimately, I was left considering what my next move was knowing I was technically losing half of my savings. Every decision I made regarding money was beyond stressful as I tried to pinch pennies everywhere I could. This realization of the drop in the Canadian dollar ultimately ruined a good portion of my trip to Ireland. I basically had 2 choices, pray I found a job in the next week or cut my losses, call the trip a vacation and come home to regroup. Despite my wanting to say, the responsible side of me knew I couldn't stay.
Coming home, I felt a bit defeated but only because I was so underprepared for the experience. I am accustomed to failure and it really doesn't bother me anymore. Part of taking a risk is knowing that there is always a chance it won't pay off and that's exactly what happened.
I had never travelled before, never flown, never visited Europe, none of the above. Instead of looking at my coming home as a disaster, I'm looking at all of the positives! I flew for the first time and LOVED IT! I stayed in a hostel for the first time, travelled alone for the first time, visited Europe alone for the first time. How could I not be proud of myself? Ultimately, this experience has taught me an awful lot in a short amount of time.
Lastly, it took a lot of responsibility and intelligence to decide I had to come home. Did I want to stay? Of course! Was I financially able to stay? No, and that's why I made the choice to come home.
Through this, I've learned now what I'm up against in Dublin and what I can actually handle. If my finances had been doing better, I very easily could've stayed. I was starting to really like Dublin and the people I had met there and it wasn't the easiest decision to come home but it was the right one. For now, it's back to cooking, blogging, and getting this cookbook together. I'll go back to Dublin with a lot more money and a lot more confidence the second time around!